Me: How many loads of laundry do you think this will handle?
Saleswoman: Sir, this is a dining room table
Interviewer: What would you say is one of your strengths?
Me: ummm…I’m super fast at math
Interviewer: Oh really? What is 32 x27
Me (immediately): 134
Interviewer: That’s not even close
Me: I said I was super fast, not accurate
Stuntman on TV: Don’t try this at home
Me (on the couch eating a 5lb bag of M&Ms): ok
Someone posted online a great idea for Xmas to get their kids to behave around the holidays.. They suggested wrapping a bunch of empty boxes and putting them under the tree. Every time a kid acts up, throw one in the fireplace.
I’m just not sure what you are supposed to do when you run out of kids?
The 3 symptoms of laziness:
Bully: How are you going to fight me holding a block of cheese?
Me: It’s extra sharp