Another Weekly Dose of Humor

Me: How many loads of laundry do you think this will handle?

Saleswoman: Sir, this is a dining room table

Me: and?

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Interviewer: What would you say is one of your strengths?

Me: ummm…I’m super fast at math

Interviewer: Oh really? What is 32 x27

Me (immediately): 134

Interviewer: That’s not even close

Me: I said I was super fast, not accurate

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Stuntman on TV: Don’t try this at home

Me (on the couch eating a 5lb bag of M&Ms): ok

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Someone posted online a great idea for Xmas to get their kids to behave around the holidays.. They suggested wrapping a bunch of empty boxes and putting them under the tree. Every time a kid acts up, throw one in the fireplace.

I’m just not sure what you are supposed to do when you run out of kids?

 

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The 3 symptoms of laziness:

#1

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Bully: How are you going to fight me holding a block of cheese?

Me: It’s extra sharp